Insane Immortals
by paigeandtiger
Summary: This is a collection of letters sent between Elrond and Thranduil concerning their two sons, Legolas and Estel (Aragorn.) Read, laugh, review, and enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Dear Elrond,

Could Legolas stay with you for a few weeks? He is driving everyone crazy and we need a break.

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Thranduil,

We would be delighted to have Legolas here! Please send him with twice the amount of clothes, as he and Estel can find more ways to destroy a tunic than I or anyone else in my household can count.

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,

Thank you. I need a vacation.

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Thranduil,

I am afraid that I must ask you for 50 pieces of gold to help pay for the damages to Rivendell. Legolas had a rather exuberant arrival, as he and Estel rode through my halls on horseback, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond, I am sorry for the damages. Tell Legolas that if I hear that he has caused any more trouble, I will leave him in Dol Guldur to party with the Orcs.

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood


	2. Chapter 2

**I was delighted to get the reviews, favorites, and follows from the first chapter! You asked for the next one, now here it is!**

Dear Thranduil,

Could Legolas come home a bit early? He and Estel were having a pretend swordfight, and they somehow broke one of my big windows, which Legolas fell out of a few moments later. He is fine, just a little scratched up, and rest assured that he and Estel will be spending a lovely evening cleaning out my stables.

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,

I actually need Legolas home soon, since upon my return from a wonderful vacation in Lothlorien I found that things are not at all well in Mirkwood. A plague of giant spiders is troubling our forests, and I need Legolas to help me drive them out. I suppose Estel can come too, since he just sends me stalker letters when I don't invite him over.

Sincerely,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Thranduil,

I sent the two back to Mirkwood today, and they should arrive in about two weeks. I wouldn't worry if they don't get there for a while, though, you know how they love to take little "detours" like the ones that got them lost in Fangorn Forest or captured by Orcs in Cirith Ungol.

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,

What happened to al of Legolas's clothes? None of them came back, and the clothes he was wearing when he returned were Estel's. Please explain?

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Thranduil,

Legolas dropped his suitcase down the waterfall by accident the day he arrived. I sent a patrol out to find it, but they have not recovered the case yet. If it is not found, I will pay you for the possessions lost.

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,

That won't be necessary, I will just have our royal tailor make him some new ones. Estel and Legolas have already driven our kitchen staff mad, and I am just anxiously awaiting all their other antics that are sure to come.

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! :) I appreciate all the favorites and follows too. My apologies for no new chapter last night! I will try to update daily/almost daily, and I plan to continue this for quite some time. I have some pre-thought of ideas, but I am very open to suggestions! Just leave a review with what you would like to happen and I will include it as soon as I can. I only ask for no suggestions involving romance, otherwise most stories will be included. Enjoy!**

Dear Thranduil,

If you put a few giant spiders in a field or something, it should entertain them for hours. Just a tip. Also, could you send back all of my hair straighteners that Legolas stole from my bathroom? Seriously, you should buy him his own.

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,

Legolas and Estel put sneezing powder in our soup that we had for dinner. For the most part, none of us ate it, but poor Haelon is new to the guard and didn't realize that it was tainted. Any ideas why they may have done this?

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Thranduil,

What kind of soup was it?

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,

It was split pea soup. Why does that matter?

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Thranduil,

Estel has a passionate hatred of split pea soup due to an unfortunate prank by my twins involving itching powder and snail mucus.

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,

That makes much more sense now, and I will be sure to not serve split pea soup again while Estel is here. Don't worry about Legolas's lost suitcase, by the way. The tailor made him and Estell whole new wardrobes.

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you, everyone! Sorry about the slow updates:( Life happens. Anyway, here is the next chapter! Also, today I realized that I have been TOTALLY forgetting the disclaimers, so I will edit those in. I am excited to start working on a request for the story, which will appear in chapter 5!**

 **Disclaimer: I really wish that I owned LOTR, but I don't.:(**

Dear Thranduil,

You really don't have to have new clothes made for Estel, thtat is very kind of you. Are the boys behaving themsleves?

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,

AAAAARRRGGGHHH! I don't know exactly how this happened, but the boys are gone. Normally I would be throwing a huge party with my best wine over this, but Legolas left his horse in the stables and made off with my moose!

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Thranduil,

I am very sorry to hear that. I am coming down there to meet you if they are not found in three days. I sent one of my fastest horses down to you so you can ride it while the moose is gone.

Yours truly,

Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Elrond,

I have sent out my forces in search parties to recover the boys. I am hoping that neither of them is hurt, as we have not found the children but instead a large horde of giant spiders.

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Thranduil,

I am leaving tomorrow to join you. Estel had _better_ get himself back to the palace before I get there, or I am not going to be in a good mood.

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,

Don't bother. We found them today, hiding in an abandoned orc den. They claimed to be saving the kingdom. I don't believe them.

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Thranduil,

Send Estel home. Alone. He is going to _die_ for all the trouble he's put me through on his little adventure.

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell


	5. Chapter 5

**Here is your next chapter! The content of this chapter was requested in a review, leave a review with your suggestion and yours will be added too! Read and laugh!**

Dear Thranduil,

This is definitely Elrond, not somebody else or anything. Well, um I kind of need Aragorn's horse back because he left it at your palace so ummmm send it or something. And I need the candy that the kitchen staff promised him too.

From

Elrond

Dear Elrond,

I thought that you once said to me that you love the art of perfect grammar. Aare you ill? You didn't seem yourself in that letter. Also, I sent the horse and candy. You should get it in a few days.

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Thranduil,

I am most certainly not ill, and I did say that once. I never make grammatical mistakes in my letters, so I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Thank you for the horse, although I do not remember requesting it.

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,

I need money. I have a debt that I haven't paid yet and I have to clean stables for a month if I don't pay it.

From

Thranduil the Elven King

Dear Thranduil,

Your country has the largest wine and diamond trade in Middle-Earth. Why you would need my money is beyond me.

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,

What are you talking about? I never asked you for money.

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Thranduil,

I have a suspicion that not all of the letters sent were written by ourselves. I enclosed your letter asking for money, look at it closely. Compare this letter to your own handwriting.

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,

You were right. Legolas admitted to sendiing you a letter asking for money since I told him that if he didn't pay me back for the 50 pieces of gold I had to send you he would be cleaning stables for a month. Estel was probably in on it too.

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Thranduil,

Estel confessed as well. I now keep my stationery well out of his reach so that this incident does not ever happen again. I found a very appropriate punishment for Estel as well. He will be entering an apprenticeship with Lindir to learn about long, boring poetry.

Yours truly,

Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,

What an excellent idea. As soon as Legolas has finished his month of stable cleaning, I am sending him to Erebor to learn the niceties of living with smelly, loud, rude, and arrogant dwarves.

Sincerely,

Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Lord Elrond,

I am very sorry that I forged a letter asking you for money. It was very wrong and I will never do it again. I hope that this incident will not discourage you from inviting me to Rivendell again.

My apologies,

Legolas Thranduillion

Dear King Thranduil,

I am sorry for pretending that I was Elrond and asking you for candy that the staff never actually promised me. It won't happen again. Please invite me back to Mirkwood soon.

From

Estel, Ellessar, Aragorn, you know all the rest.


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow! It really has been a long time! Anyway, I am happy to announce that for the present, Insane Immortals is continuing! Legolas is in Erebor with the dwarves, and poor Estel is stuck learning to write poetry! Enjoy!**

Dear Estel,

You are very lucky if you are not insane yet. These dwarves are disgusting! They all talk with their mouths full, and they never eat anything but _meat!_ It's revolting! I can't believe that Ada made me come here. The dwarves even _**belch!**_

Going insane very soon,

Legolas Thranduillion

Dear Legolas,

If that bothers you, you should be glad that Ada makes me use table manners when you come here. I'd take the dwarves any day! I have to write _poetry!_ On top of that, Lindir is the Worst. Poet. Ever. I got in trouble today for writing this:

Mind going numb,

Everything is dumb,

I think Ada is crazy,

Lindir is very lazy,

Get me out of this Pit of Udun,

I am going to go mad very soon.

Dear Estel,

How are you doing? I sent you your deodorant to you, you left it on the bathroom counter. I hope that you learn your lesson by the en of the month, because if you continue your unacceptable behavior I will send you to Dol Guldur. For real.

Yours truly,

Your Ada, Elrond of Rivendell

Dear Legolas,

Are you enjoying yourself with the dwarves? You know, I once had the honor of housing thirteen of them in our dungeons. I absolutely hate dwarves, but I have to admit that they do throw some pretty wild parties.

Sincerely,

Your Ada, Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Estel,

I can see why Lindir might have been upset upon reading your poetry. I am going officially insane. One of the young dwarflings has started to call me "Puppy." He (or she, both have beards!) refuses to call me by any other name!

Only 6 more days in this pigsty,

Legolas Thranduillion

Dear Legolas,

Prepare to never live this down. The nickname "Puppy" will now haunt you for the rest of your life. I found a tarantula today. You should have seen it, it was big enough to be a decendant of Shelob! Anyway, I put it to good use. Apparently Lindir does not appreciate large spiders in his bed.

4 days left!

Estel, Aragorn son of Arathorn, Elessar, you know the rest.

Dear Legolas,

Due to the end of the month, I have sent an escort to retrieve you from Erebor. Be warned, they have orders to turn around if you give them any trouble. I hope to see you soon back at the palace.

Sincerely,

Your Ada, Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Estel,

Due to the fact that Lindir has been admitted into the healing ward for a poisonous spider bite and temporary insanity, I am allowing you to come home. Please have all your things ready, I will be there tomorrow.

Yours truly,

Your Ada, Elrond of Rivendell


End file.
